The real surreal life

What do a dominatrix, a naked pick up artist, and some hardcore drugs all have in common? They were all at the birthday party I attended this past Saturday. It was a party that will go down in my personal history as one of the most surreal experiences of my life. The party was held in the Presidential Suite of the Grand Hyatt in Roppongi Hills. The suite alone was enough to make anyone loopy, as it was the most gorgeous and luxurious place I have ever set foot in. The suite took up the entire 21st floor, which one needed a special key to access. It had its own private outdoor heated pool that was heated to 104 degrees and just the bathroom alone was about twice the size of my apartment. About 10 minutes after we had arrived and settled down next to the pool, the birthday boy approached our table and cheerfully informed us that they were about to do some X if we'd like to join, then he turned to Jenn and said, "Oh Jenn, there's also coke, speed, and acid if you're interested." We quickly exchanged nervous glances and then politely declined the invitation. It was honestly like a scene out of a movie, a movie that I never expected to play a part in.

The next scene took place in the bathroom. Jenn's friend informed us that they had lugged 200 pounds of ice into the hotel, which had all been deposited into the enormous bath tub where the numerous cans of beer and bottles of Don Perignon were being stored. As we sipped our champagne and chatted with one of the guests, he informed us that there was a dominatrix attending the party. She was not actually in her dominatrix garb, but he showed us her card, and she was indeed a dom (that's the slang they use in those kinky dating adds). My friend got incredibly excited, because as she had previously explained to Jenn and I, she used to be goth... a goth? I'm not sure of the correct wording... Anyway, she immediately went to find the dominatrix so that she could find out about some good goth punk clubs in Tokyo. Later we were introduced to her, so now I am proud to say that I have met a real live dominatrix.

After retreating back to the poolside table with Jenn, we discovered that there was yet another interesting guest at this crazy party. Walking among us was a pickup artist... what might you ask IS a pick up artist? It's a man who makes a living out of teaching men to attract and get with women, and Jenn and I had just read an article about him the week before. He and his associates were featured in a popular magazine called Japanzine, in an article discussing their company and the weekend bootcamp/workshops they hold for some obviously desperate Japanese men, this is the article: PICK UP ARTIST. When Jenn and I found out he was there we got really excited, despite being told some fairly negative things about him. Jenn's friend explained to us that basically everything he does and says is a setup, it's not real... I didn't have to wait long before I got to experience this firsthand. Within just a few minutes of being told he was there, Kid44 (as he is called in the article) was over at our table introducing himself (I know his real name, but I don't have his permission to use it, so he will remain Kid44). He was extremely, almost overly, friendly and actually kissed my hand upon meeting me, clue number 1 of the underlying sleaziness. Still, I was intrigued, this guy was not that incredibly good looking, so I really wanted to know what it was that allowed him to seemingly get any girl he desired. A few minutes later Jenn and I were in the pool and were once again approached by Kid44, except that this time he was completely naked. Okay... I can handle nudity, no big deal... we started chatting with him, and of course the fact that he was naked came up in conversation and then the next thing we know Kid44 was giving us an up close and personal look at his genital piercing. That was something I had not expected, but I think Jenn and I played it off well, acting as if this was a completely normal situation. Despite the slight awkwardness of examining a random penis, I continued talking to Kid44 (please note I had no interest in hooking up with him, because by that point I had come to the full conclusion that he was a complete sleaze ball, but I still thought he was interesting). I asked him about his personal life and about some stuff he said in the article. He told me that he is only attracted to bisexual women and then gestured to some girls in the corner of the pool and said "Those are my girls over there." I asked him how long he'd known them. "The one on the left a year and a half, the one on the right 3 hours." He explained that the girl he knew long term was his "wing" and he was leaving her and the new girl to have some fun together. Then he told me that he'd had sex with thousands of women, but that he never had one night stands, which I still don't believe. This led me to ask about the end of the article, which he knew I'd read, because in it he mentions that he does not feel ashamed of manipulating women because he's manipulating them into having wonderful lives with amazing men. I addressed this and asked him "What about the guys who are just interested in sex?" He told me that for some reason those men don't attend his workshops... and that statement confirmed my decision that he was full of shit.

The night went on, until eventually it was morning again. It was strange to leave the 21st floor and literally step back into reality. I know some people would love to live like that forever, but I'm okay with living a more ordinary life, because it makes the experience so much more thrilling. Many people actually flew in from the U.S. to attend that party, so I remind myself that to them maybe my life seems a little thrilling because I'm LIVING in TOKYO! What they only get to experience for a week or two, I'm actually living... or at least that's what Jenn and I told ourselves to keep from being embarrassed about being English teachers around all these freakin' rich people! And the Birthday Boy? Well, I guess he just gets the best of both worlds.

Speaking of birthdays, I actually went to another birthday party for a couple of my friends the next night. It was far less glamorous, but I was just happy to be with my friends. We went for drinks at the Shinagawa Prince Hotel and then ate dinner at TGI Fridays... yes, we have TGIF in Tokyo, it's the closest we can come to eating American food once in a while. The next day I went to Disneyland with the birthday boy and girl and another friend of theirs. It was fun, pretty much the same as Disney World in Orlando, except that the rides and songs were in Japanese, which was pretty amusing. Imagine riding along Splash Mountain listening to Zippity Doo Da in Japanese. While trying to google the Japanese lyrics of Zippity Doo Da, I actually came upon another person's account of Tokyo Disney. He completely nailed the essence of the place and he's a really great writer (far better than me), so you should definitely check this post out: Happiest Place in Asia. Well it may be the happiest place in Asia, but currently my happiness is being overthrown by sleepiness, so I will overthrow Disney and end this with the eternal words of Porky: That's All Folks!